So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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