you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
