I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
