She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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