you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
