next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
