return my video game
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
