Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
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So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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