And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
