He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
