Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
