I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
