im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
