Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
