Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
