Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
