I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
