chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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