My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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