you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize