How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
