I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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