i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
