dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
