I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
