I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
