you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
