farters have to be the big spoon...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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