Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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