I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
