she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize