that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
