my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize