If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
