I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
