i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
