I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
