He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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