My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
did i just pee glitter
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
