Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
