glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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