my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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