So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
