hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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