the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
