The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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