THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
