my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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