I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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