I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You need a sexual gate keeper
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
