remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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