Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
