All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
