you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
