I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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