Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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