before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
