She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just pee around me
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
