We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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