distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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