Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
