Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
