Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
