You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
