i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
