Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
