My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
