I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
