glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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