And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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