I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
