in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
