The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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