Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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