So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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