I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
