One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
